I get the phrase “You always seem so happy” and “You’re so funny all the time” a lot whenever I tell someone that I struggle with depression and suicidal thinking. Some people receive the news completely out of right field. I guess this is due to how they have been perceiving me based on my actions around them.
Let’s talk about Robin Williams for a second. The breaking news post about his death mentioned that he had been struggling with depression for some time. And now as time passes, we are finding out more and more about his final mental state and health. This takes a hit on some people because they find it hard to believe that someone so “funny” could be so sad and depressed. There are many things I could say here about chemical imbalances and mood disorders, but I want to focus on the idea of someone’s perceived actions and who they really are.
First off, just because someone is funny does not mean that they are happy. In fact I think humour is more of a intelligence aspect rather then a happiness aspect. Some of the most intelligent thinkers were the most sad. Perhaps that’s because they concerned themselves with a very wide view of life, one that filled their mind with many issues as well as many saddening outlooks.
If you were asked last month, “Which celebrity do you think is battling depression right now?”, would you have said Robin Williams? Or would you have picked someone who wears the image of darkness more? Perhaps Jack White or that girl from the Twilight movies.
In my own experience I’ve even been subject to the phrase, “I wouldn’t have picked you to be suicidal”.
Well, who would you pick?
Who fits your mold of depressed and suicidal?
So many people are dealing with issues alone. So many people are hiding behinds smiles and humour to get through the day. Perhaps it’s a coping mechanism, or perhaps they simply smile a lot. Perhaps they’re like myself. I like to joke and have fun but at the end of the day I can’t escape thoughts of wanting to die. I can’t escape the ideas of darkness and being trapped.
I can guarantee there are people in your life right now that you would say are completely fine, but in reality they are not. Everyone is fighting their own battles, and many of us just decide to smile while in them.
23 years old, I drink water and breathe air. I need hope. Founder, speaker and director of Hashtag Hope.
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